Thursday, August 25, 2011

My Crazy (wise, sweet, funny) Head And My ♥!!!

At times this crazy head of mine has all these crazy ideas cropping up! Without having a second thought, giving a second thought to the sprouting thoughts I just go ahead and say things which I shouldn't, things which I should keep to myself.

Sometimes such thoughts of mine are important ones but other times just some silly wild crazy kiddish,babyish thoughts. Then it has me wondering why and from where such thoughts germinate and get its roots and as a counter response the very same crazy head 'o mine says because of 'this n that', 'such n such', blah blah blah and tries to get a connection, a link to such cropped up thoughts!

The 'crazy head 'o mine is definitely the boss most of the times but when my is given a chance to think it takes the power from the 'crazy head 'o mine' and generates even crazier (more) thoughts! When my ♥ takes rein from the head you can expect not-thought of thoughts! This heart brings forth tears, huge ones!!!

That time I crave for my crazy head and hope and wish so bad it take its position 'being the ever crazier boss' because though crazy it stops my tears and saves me from 'those puffy eyes'. But I tell you, if my head gives even a little attention to my ♥ it becomes stubborn and wants to be the leader. My head then is taken for a ride, roller-coaster ride!

One time my ♥ makes itself in-sync with my 'crazy head', make my head rule (my head smiles then) for a bit but that is my ♥'s tactic. It ever wants to stay and lead my head. Ofcourse my ♥ isn't bad. It is the best when given its own space.

It shows the loveable side of me. I look happy and may be a little pretty too! (smiles) :) But uh-uh my ♥ should be secondary. If I let my ♥ lead than I would become fragile (which I don't want to be).

I was strong, am strong and want to be strong with my heart following my 'crazy (sometimes wise) head silently and ruling may be as and when really needed by my crazy (sometimes sweet) head. That time my head (sometimes funny) and my lovely ♥ is in perfect sync (as if made for each other)...sigh love love love...BIG TIME, mwah!

I can go on and on with thoughts from my head and my ♥ but would love to end it when (now) on a sweet note!
So from my crazy head and my ♥ Love, Hugs and Kisses ...


A Diamond Heart!!!

Can one hate oneself?
I guess sometimes we can.
I believed I had a heart of stone, still does but guess the stone is not hard enough!
I want it to be hard so that it would be impossible to get through me.
I would be protected!
I would not care of things happening to me and around me.
Why is it difficult?
Why must it get softened and not hardened along the way?
Why can't I have a heart of a diamond (they say it is the hardest)?
I would like to have "a diamond" heart"!
So how can I achieve one?
Maybe I can start by hating myself(coz if you can hate yourself then how can you love others?)
So dear K I am turning myself into a diamond, a diamond heart, a heart that is stronger than a stone!

"A Diamond Heart"
  Signed ...

A Diamond Heart (of mine)!

Alone But Not Lonely!

I may be alone but I am not lonely!
NB, LL, TS, BA,CD,JLo,MC, JS etc are there for me as always.
They fill my blue days with smiles.
They make my ♥ happy!
They are and will be my constant companions!
They let me forget my sadness and make me sing with happiness!
I just love them for being there for me though not physically!
So I say I am alone but I am not and can never be lonely!

The Change!!!

So often I am left to believe that things happen on its own accord yet at times I feel that I should have known some things that happen in ones life can be controlled and is in our hands. Looking back I feel maybe I left things to happen and take its own shape rather than make it happen according to my whims and fancies.!

If I had done that I feel my life now would have been different, definitely (not that I don't like the life I have now) but I wish to have a little difference!!!

The thought, did I atleast try, gnaws at me and I feel maybe I believed in ''let things happen on its own' too strongly!

 Maybe maybe I did try and change the course of things happening in my life and since I falied to change the 'happening things' I stuck to leaving it on its own! Whatever the reasons now I just feel I should have tried harder, a little harder.

The path I followed led me here (and it is good enough) and I wonder what lies in my path ahead (but this time I am just not going to sit back and watch 'things happening' like a good spectator but stand up and be a part to make paths I should tread on and make things happen according to my wishes!). 

This is The Change I seek!

Luv K

Past Is Past?Live Today? And Tomorow Is Not Yet Born?

Past (even yesterday) is history,it is, but why does one's past keep returning (after certain intervals)? Why can't it remain where it was left? Why does it follow you some secs, mins, hours, days, weeks, months, years later?

It is said that Past is best left in the past. I believe in the same too but at times past returns with a force that the sheer force of it knocks you down. You have washed your hands of it, you want to forget it, you don't want anything to do with it yet it won't leave you!

To live happily in the present("a gift") one should forget one's past ("history"), not wonder of one's tomorrow ("mystery") but no matter we can't help thinking of our tomorrow(s) and our history(s).

So I guess our past, present and future are all interlinked and as much as we try to break the link we can't(the link is much stronger)!.

So relive the 'Past', mix it together 'Today' and take it forward to a new 'Tomorrow!'???

N.B: The work of my "ever thinking" mind!( :-) )

WHY M I LIKE THIS? (or for that matter why is my life different?)

Did you ever come across situations where your heart says it shouldn't be a problem (makes you happy) but your brain gives you 1001 reasons that it's wrong and problems are gonna accompany?

Did you experience situations where everything falls into perfect place (you feel nothing has felt so right until now)?

Did things happen according to you, your wants and your wishes?( in the initial days?). If so why must things turn opposite as days go by?

If things are not meant to be they say it will never be (I quite agree too) but why does it feel so so right and why does things fall into right places then?

Why must one get hurt and keep feeling the pain (if you know the hurt feeling is not permanent)?

Why can't situations remain the same? Why can't the same right feelings prevail throughout? (I so hate these whys)

Why must one's life change in the blink of an eye (does it change in such a short while)?

Why am I unable to change things, my thoughts, my wants, my wishes?

Why am I always at the crossroads of life? (I take the most likely (good) path and in the end why does this very good path prove wrong?

Why can't I take the right path? (Don't I have powers over myself; my thoughts, wishes?)

If and only if I had not taken that path (the supposed right path)

Why can't I decide and decide well? (I know I have to include family's decisions too)

Yet again my page is filled up with the Whys and Ifs of my life. Life would have been much simpler, easier and happier if the Whys and Ifs doesn't exist in this world!

Sigh! My life is different ( Is it from you all?)

♥ K

Don't Want To But Have To!

Because it is not in my hands. It is entirely in the hands of my fate and maybe yours too! What we wish, expect and  hope for never comes accordingly! In-fact it is quite the contrary. I know I am giving up, not because I want to but I have to!

Though pains initially I only hope (here i go again..hope...oh the very word!) for a better outcome in future due to this decision of mine. I know I am making quite an issue out of such a simple thing (is it simple by the way?). But I can't help it. Why can't I?(sigh :-()

If fate is responsible now for this decision of mine isn't fate responsible for paving my way to have this kinda decision now? Now when I don't want to but have to! Why couldn't fate intervene then? The initial days? Why did it make it seem so right? I know I am asking questions which have no answers but I believe I have the right to ask (though fruitless).

Why does things always happen according to its own free will?. Why can't we have powers over the decisions we make. Why does it get changed along the way? The things which we wish to happen in our life doesn't happen and the things which we don't wish to and have never thought of happens!

Such is the irony of life!

So keeping a stone in my heart, I have to tell you that I have to!. I just wish you know I don't want to but I have to!

Fate: Can We Change?

I have come across situations and experiences where things always happened on their own free will and that I attribute to one's own fate!

We want to change the course of our fate but no matter what we try, we are bound to go by the already shaped fate, isn't it?

They say fate and destiny is what we make of than why do we have regrets if we make our fate/destiny ourselves? (So the question can we really change our fate?)

Though I want to hold on to the topic a little longer i have to rush, will continue next time...:)