Monday, May 24, 2010

What am I doing?

Listening to songs I guess (else why do I have my earphones plugged in and love story by Taylor Swift on?)

But MyThoughts are not completely in it. I stare at my cell (wishing for it to ring?)

Naah, not in the mood to talk also! Than what is it? Love story ended. Played it again!

What am I doing? My mind is not in the work at hand also. This vast heaviness is settling in my heart.

What is it? Why this feeling? Today I don’t think I did any productive work?

Could this be the reason for this feeling I am feeling now?

Umm I don’t think this is quite the reason. As I look around the calendar on my table catch my eyes.

It is Wednesday the 19th May (god, how fast?). With this comes the realization that days are rushing by (infact zooming)

My eyes wander and settle on the various stacked files. Can they prove I have done my job well? Hm-mm

Now I am listening to ‘better in time’ by Leona Lewis and I wish I have a voice like her (I love singing!)

As I am typing this, my friend barges in and I have to stop my typing for a while and talk with her.

My friend leaves me to my work. I open the windows and look out. The sky is clear now!

The breeze is much cooler too because of the rain earlier this morning (I just love the rain!)

I just love watching ‘them drops’ hitting the parched earth and the smell of the earth after it (ahhh!)

The smell, the clean surroundings, the happy grins on the faces of the farmers is the after effects of the rain.

So my love for the rain is immense! The rain topic is making me nostalgic now!:)
I used to run out the moment I see the heaven above crying and feel the drops on my skin.

I would feel so cleansed and stamping my feet in the tiny puddles it has created would make me squeal with laughter.

Sigh! I wish to be that little me again. The blink on the screen brings me back to my present state of “don’t know what I am doing”?

The time now is 4.58 pm, should I stay a little longer (for what?) or head home (to?)

The past two days “the wandering cat” who was at my door step kept me company.

The furry thing is mighty cute and mighty stubborn! :-) (Don’t know till when it will stay with me!)

The time now is 5:35 pm, and I hope the cat is there waiting for me!

So with that thought I think I might as well head home to my companion (the furry one)

5:44 pm now, I really got to leave, so today my “What am I doing?” status has indeed made me say “what have I done”? (hehehe)

(Author: “my jumbled up (nonsense) thoughts”)

Wednesday, May 19, 2010

Nothing Is Going My Way!

It is always the same, same old same. Every thought, wish, dream I have are all in vain. Nothing materializes.

They say if you concentrate, really do, than nothing can stop us from achieving our set goals, dreams, wishes, thoughts but sadly this doesn't happen in my case.

I seem to fail almost every time. Nothing is working out, not quite near also.

Bah! I really am sad, don't know what to do. Why can't I have it all fulfilled, if not all at least some?.

Why the contrary always? Why am I always made the target? Why can't I be the one to hit the target (the bull's eye?).

Why do I always have choices which can't be mine because the moment I take the choices and try to make it mine, it no longer exists!

And at times even if I do get a chance to make the choices mine why am I always wrong (almost always?).

Why can't I envision clear cut paths, the path that will say that I have made the best choice (Atta girl!)?

I look at them and I see everything happening their way but why not with me (God are u listening?)

Am I that unlucky? Am I being tested? Are gods above testing my endurance, my enduring capability (till I grow gray?)

Whoa, again I am at the crossroads of my life and I don't know which road to take. They say take the road 'less taken', but I don't seem to know which road is the 'less taken'. (Confused me?).

Or should I just go with the flow? Because no matter what choices I make they always receives the backhand, the lower hand and is not on the winning side (Sob!)

And as always I have to say "Nothing Is Going My Way" (:( Sigh!)


I always kept my HOPE alive thinking one day

One fine day, you are going to come to me

With all your love, pure from the (your) heart

And make me happy like the first time you did

With your eyes full of love for me and your eyes only for me

I was happy then, my face was always radiant, I was all smiles :)

My world was colorful; I thought finally "you are the one for me"

You with all your weirdness I accepted, trusting my heart instead of my head

My head gave me 1000 facts that you are not someone to be given my heart too

But my heart remained at that juncture, the day you showed me all your love

My heart never budged though my head said I should, my heart stood there with your love

I trusted my heart, as simple as that, but how come my heart failed to see you, the real you?

You with all your promises made me feel so loved, indeed it did, but your love was short-lived

I didn't realize you were all fake/ made-up (but I looked in your eyes and saw genuine love)

I was wrong, my heart was wrong! (still wondering how could I have been wrong?)

I waited so many days and nights for you to come

But even after so many such days and nights you failed to come and embrace me with your love

The days were dull and the nights my pillow were soaked with tears

My heart is an empty chamber now, should you try to see you can see right through

Though it still pains and tears come out of my eyes (why am I still hurting and still crying?)

I am crying now too (as I am writing this) but one day, one FINE DAY

All my pains and all my tears are going to STOP, it will!

That much trust and faith I have in me (myself and I!)

It is no more "you and me", it is me with only "Mythoughts" now!

I trusted you and now it is time for me to trust myself, I am a strong gal and I am!

I wish you much happiness and success in your life and may love surround you!

And with much love, hugs and kisses for the very last time, I bade thee GOODBYE MY LOVE!