Somewhere, Someone Special (SS) is there for us?

Do you all agree? Well most of you would have nodded yes to this question of mine, right? (or you all didn't?)

I nodded yes (I did) as I asked this question to myself. I believe (with much certainty) too, though by now (uh huh am not that old) I should have come across that Special Someone (SS) meant for me. But that SS seems to be playing hide and seek game with me or is it not the case?

I wonder most of the time these days about my SS (how would he be and look like?). Or am I never going to have that SS in my life? I shudder to think but yet again till now I have lived without that SS in my life and been happy. Would I be happier with that SS or without one?

Well, well I am again left with more questions. I have been reading books (the happy ending ones), still reads whenever I catch hold of one. In such books no matter what, the end is always happy so my heart exudes happy enzymes which make my eyes twinkle and my face radiate with happiness. Here I vehemently believe someone out there is meant for me with all the qualities I would like him to have and vice-versa.

I would want someone with a good persona (must admit here that good looks and a good height are also welcome, *smiles).

Someone I would keep in my heart, till it's very last beat (beep beep beep).

Someone I would be proud to walk around and raise my own little, sweet and happy family with! (Sigh).

Someone who would color my world and make me have the strength of Hercules (by being there for me always) so that every daunting task life has to throw at me would seem puny and a piece of cake! (Ha, ha)

Together we would grow old with grace, dignity and much love (Yes!).

So I wait for the day for that Special Someone to step in my life (Wink, wink, wink!).

Yes I believe in Special Someone for each and every one of us! (All is well).

And with that note, are you coming? (Galloping on a white horse my Special Someone?).

IF ONLY!

Time indeed is not in our hands. If only we could time everything; the time for our births, the time for our happiness's, the time for our sadness's, the time for our togetherness's, the time for loneliness's, the time for our successes, the time for failures, the time for our deaths than life would have been indeed easy and predictable. But it is neither easy nor predictable, so time (this very moment) is of the essence.

Time is always ticking, in fact it never stops but we always feel "time is there for us", "we still have time" and so on, so we put off things which we should do today, we can do today (now) for later and tomorrow. So the reason for regrets, heartaches, pains for not being able to do the things which we wished, wanted and loved to do, the words we so wanted, wished and loved to say that 'moment of time', the moment that was there with us but which we kept for later and tomorrow and have lost it.

If only we can see our life in front of us, crystal clear than we would know what to do, what not to do, what to say and what not to say but such is not the case. We never know what is going to happen next, what is going to happen round the corner but even if we do see and know what lies ahead of us we cannot change the life (the inevitable), the fate that has been shaped out for us, we can only do it in a better way like in the movie IF ONLY!

Paul Nicholls who plays Ian in the movie is the male lead and Jennifer Love Hewitt who plays Samantha is the female lead. In this movie we can clearly see that even if we have a premonition, a vision and a real life-like dream like he does in the movie, we cannot avoid bad things from happening to us, we can only try and make little changes.

The instance he wakes up from his dream he makes it a point to tell her how much he loves her and had loved her since the day he met her (he makes best use of the moment in hand).

Ofcourse he tries to change the course of his dream by doing things differently (she dies in his dream), but things happen like in his dream (the only difference is that it is Ian in place of Samantha who dies in the end).

He could say he loved her only because of what he saw in his dream (had he not dreamt, he would have gone without telling her how much he loved her).

He learns that "if one lives for the moment, than one is living one's life fully", so it doesn't matter whether one has 5 minutes or 50 years in hand. And the next instance, the cab they are in meets an accident. He dies. Though heart breaking for her, he had lived his moment fully with her, the moment he had in hand.

Someone had rightly said, live the moment, do things now, say it now and then you would have lived a satisfied and a complete life, so even if something happens we would have NO REGRETS.

So for now let us; live our life 'in the moment', 'laugh a little more', 'say things out loud', 'be happy' and 'ENJOY THE MOMENT', the moment that is in our hands, the moment which is never going to come back to us if we let go of it.

THE MOMENT IN HAND IS SO VERY PRECIOUS, LET US MAKE BEST USE OF IT!

(Author's note: Much inspired by the movie "IF ONLY"! and also thank you for making me watch)

This girl - II

Still holding on to her dreams and wishes to be with him happily ever after, she had made up her mind to accept him the way he was (with all the weirdness).She tsked tsked the nagging feelings that something is seriously wrong with him. She waited for he told her to and this went on for many such nights(all her wait was in vain).

She wondered where this once 'fun loving gal' disappear to? She is a strong girl but LOVE weakened her or so it seemed. She is in the weakened state, been in this state for long now.

Guess life is bringing her series of unhappiness, bad lucks all cuddled together because just in her weakened state she hear things, UNTRUE things about her character, people are soiling her image yet again she is left with questions like "why are people worried with how I live my life?", "why can't I live my life the way I want?", "why do I have to follow their lifestyles?", "why can't opposite sex be friends"?, "why always the negative thoughts"?. Her life is again filled with such "whys"?.

BUT now she is saying "no more! everything has limits" ( time she moved on right?)and now she is moving on with her life (she doesn't need a man's love for that nor negative people's support).Though her beliefs in the 'happily ever afters' have gone away for now, she is positive her smiles, her chirpy nature is going to accompany her once again and fill her life with happiness(with the ones who loves her unconditionally).

She wants people to see her, take her as she is and not judge her because she never judges them.

She once talked of changing her extrovert nature and said she is going to live her life based on those people's terms (she is fed up with them pointing fingers at her lively character)but luckily her positive, optimistic side ruled over her pessimistic side and she said "what the *!#k?...who are they? and then I thought " THIS GIRL IS STRONG AND SHE WILL LIVE HER LIFE WITH HER OWN TERMS AND CONDITIONS!" and I just had tears in my eyes (of happiness)and I said ATTA GIRL..that is the way to go, All The BEST!.

(*Author's note: I know 'This girl' will once again have broad smiles, twinkling eyes, lively nature, songs on her lips, dances, happily-eva-afters back in her life and she will have someone who will just love her for who she is*)

This girl -I

This girl is still confused with the ways of life. She has so many whys?,so many of her questions are still left unanswered. She wonders as to whether all the questions have answers.

Yes! She knows some questions don't have answers…but she never asked questions that did not have answers, never asks such questions, all she needed was an answer to her simple questions and that also she did not get(how hurt was she, only she knew!).

She has so many things inside her that at times she feels all her pent up feelings,thoughts,wishes,dreams would explode any moment and that the explosion would be so massive that she is afraid the blown up pieces would be strewn everywhere and try as much as she may to find the strewn pieces she would not find them(her heart is thudding so much with such thoughts).

She is a simple, fun loving, frank, dance lover, song lover, heart full of love kinda girl,she believes in 'happily ever afters',she has watched so many such stories in movies (still watches),she had read so many such things in books (still reads).

She believes in 'love at first sights'but people often mistook her frankness, her fun loving character with disdain, question marks, and raised eyebrows and she is often left with tears, tears and more tears,tears are her constant companion. She sheds silent tears every night unbeknown to everyone who knows her for she is a master in masquerading her tears,she always presents her bubbly side to others,a different facade.

The one she loved also let her shed so many such tears often times she looked at herself in the mirror…and saw a glazed blank pale image(as if an evil, invisible force has snatched away all her smiles, her happiness , her bubbly nature).

She had often asked him questions too, simple straightforward ones and all she got from him was "some questions don't have answers" and here she thought her questions were simple, indeed it was simple!!!

"Don't you love me"? she would say and his answer as always would be "I do"(well then you all must be thinking what is wrong with her?)…well…love for him is "not call her", "not meet her", "not pick up her calls", "always keep his cell unreachable", she asks the above questions only in the mails she sends him because it is only in the mails he replies and that also the chances of his reply are once in a million, but though once her face spreads into this biG BiG...smile (as his mail would show he misses her...loves her and wants her to wait...so on and forth) but after that …she is yet again left with questions.

If he so loves her, what is holding him back? Why can't he call her once? Why can't he spare a minute of his time (60 secs?)...Is he a married guy?....if so why can't he be forthright? (why is he keeping her in darkness?). She had indeed asked him such questions a million times but each time she was left with her own set of questions, rivulets of tears would just then flow from her eyes and leave a trail mark on her face, her face would show such agony that should you see her then you would have tears in your eyes and cried your heart out too!

In him she believed the' love at first sight' phrase, she took in him her prince charming because the moment she laid her eyes on him she wished and included him in her dreams, thoughts, smiles… and she gave her heart. She didn't give her heart easily(and no her heart was not meant for every Tom, Dick and Harry),he had assured the same thing to her then(alas!for him it was just words, she realized it a little too late but we know it is never too late to start things all over again right?)



(Author's note: in the sequel, we see her tears subsiding)

Her Story-I

She believed in FATE, still does.

Her fate brought her close to him or so she thought.

She doesn't know how and why but the instant she laid her eyes on the pictures of him on one of the networking sites, she wished for him to call her, she just knew his name and the name got printed in her heart. She had no hope of course because she was a stranger to him and vice-versa. No clue as such. So she had just wishes and wish she did to the almighty GOD.

An unknown number calling, she picks up. An unknown male voice on the other end says 'hi there,

she responds saying wrong number and cuts off the call. A ring again from the same number, this time she is angry, hellow? (her tone is harsh), the voice immediately says are u such and such….working in XYZ? 

Her tone changes as she gives an affirmative note to his questions. This time she asks who is on the other line?...he says I m such and such working in XYZ, and her heart gives a sudden flip, a sudden cry of joy hearing the name (her heart pace increases), she is not sure she heard it right, come again says she…and this time with the same answer she pinches herself to see whether or not she is dreaming! (Aww...she feels the pinch).

She is shocked beyond words and meanings …how is it possible...did God really hear her this time? Is he the same person she wished for? Finding out he really is the same person she wished for, her faith in the almighty GOD deepens, her believe in the FATE thing deepens too! 

For a moment, no words come out; she thinks she has lost her voice. Only when he says… you there? She replies…yes and feels she squeaked.

Then after, her joy knew no bounds. They used to call each other constantly. But one gnawing question, where did he get my number?...was eating her up , she had been meaning to ask him but every time she forgot.

So during one such call, she asks him and he says it is a secret and that he will reveal it sometime later, she agrees. After many such calls they decide to meet and in person he looked more of everything in her eyes. She felt intimidated by his height and happy too, GOD he was tall!

After reading all those romantic (M&B) novels, she had wished for a tall, dark and handsome guy and there he filled her wish…coz he was definitely tall, dark and handsome!

Once he had even rolled a Nu.50 note and made it in a shape of a ring and slipped it on her ring finger, saying soon I am going to replace it with a real one, her happiness knew no limits.

She had a bounce in her steps, a smile on her lips and a sparkle in her eyes!

But her happiness was short –lived.

Once she made a visit to his Office upon his insistence. He was so lovey-dovey and she felt content with the love he had for her. She had forgotten to check her mails that morning and she asks his permission to use his PC for a while, he agrees to that and says while you are checking your mails I will get us steaming cuppa tea. She blows him a kiss as he walks out of his Office.

Maybe god wanted her to see it (but why?). He had forgotten to log out and there a picture, a girl's picture and a mail from the same girl? She reads the mail, at the top it is written acho, (whew! she relaxes and smiles) but as she reads, tears start forming in her eyes, one blink and it silently rolls down her cheeks. 

How could he was all she thought as she gazed transfixed on the blurred screen.

WHY?

WHY?!

I do not remember a single moment where I have not been hurt.

Why does a moment of happiness bring forth a series of unhappiness?

Every day I wish for good things to happen, but why the contrary?

What bad deeds must I have done in my previous life?

Why do such things always happen in my life? Is it the same with others?

Be it in studies, love and friendship, why am I the one being HURT always?

Now that the study part is over, I thought love would come and embrace me...and I mean TRUE LOVE…the GENUINE KIND.

But why do I always meet the wrong ones, the fake ones, and the cheats?

What is it, dear GOD?

Having a simple heart is very difficult. I guess they can see right through me and find me an easy target.

I always thought I was "the miss know it all" in such matters of heart, but boy, was I wrong.

Should I believe in meeting the wrong ones until the "right one for you"?

If meeting the 'wrong ones before the right one' is necessary, why must this heart hurt so much?"

Of course with time everything fades away; the hurt heart, the "wrong ones", the oh! so many tears too!

But that very moment, your heart rules your mind. The heart is superior, and you lose your ability to think clearly.

You feel everything around you has collapsed and that you will never be the same.

Your world is black and bleak; it has lost all its colors. You wish and hope "the one for you" comes along and color your world with hues of yellow, red, green, blue, pink,…

They say sorrow is a great teacher, indeed it is! Yet with time you tend to forget 'what happened'.

You start anew and the next instance the very same things happen (the lies, tears, unhappiness…), you feel life has cheated you again! Life has made a fool out of you! Life has fooled you again!

Tears accompany your life again. Your life is robbed of happiness. Your heart breaks into a million pieces-pieces which you feel will never be found. Even if they are found and put together the heart would look like someone has solved a jigsaw puzzle (with all the wavy lines)…

Why must such things happen in my life?

The cycle goes on...but why is unhappiness always on the winning side?

Why can't happiness have the upper hand in my life?

Awww…questions are many and answers are a few and feeble...

Dear God! Let me and all have laughter-filled life!

(Author's Note: just random thoughts when in one of my 'BLUE' moods)