My Crazy (wise, sweet, funny) Head And My ♥!!!

At times this crazy head of mine have all these crazy thoughts cropping up! Without having a second thought, giving a second thought to the sprouting thoughts I just go ahead and say things which I shouldn't, things which I should keep to myself.

Sometimes such thoughts of mine are important ones but other times just some silly wild crazy kiddish/babyish thoughts. Then it has me wondering why and from where such thoughts crop up? And as a counter response the very same crazy head 'o mine says because of 'this n that', 'such n such', blah blah blah and tries to get a connection, a link to such cropped up thoughts!

The 'crazy head 'o mine is definitely the boss most of the times but when my ♥ is given a chance to think it takes the power from the 'crazy head 'o mine' and generates even crazier (more) thoughts! When my ♥ takes rein from the head you can expect not-thought of thoughts! This heart brings forth tears, huge ones!!!

That time I crave for my crazy head and hope and wish so bad it take its position 'being the ever crazier boss' because though crazy it stops my tears and saves me from 'those puffy eyes'. But I tell you, if my head gives even a little attention to my ♥ it becomes stubborn and wants to be the leader. My head then is taken for a ride, roller-coaster ride!

One time my ♥ makes itself in-sync with my 'crazy head', make my head rule (my head smiles then) for a bit but that is my ♥'s tactic. It ever wants to stay and lead my head. Ofcourse my ♥ isn't bad. It is the best when given its own space.

It shows the loveable side of me. I look happy and may be a little pretty too! (smiles) :) But uh-uh my ♥ should be secondary. If I let my ♥ lead than I would become fragile (which I don't want to be).

I was strong, am strong and want to be strong with my heart following my 'crazy (sometimes wise) head silently and ruling may be as and when really needed by my crazy (sometimes sweet) head. That time my head (sometimes funny) and my lovely ♥ is in perfect sync (as if made for each other)...sigh love love love...BIG TIME, mwah!

I can go on and on with thoughts from my head and my ♥ but would love to end it when (now they are in-sync) on a sweet note!

So from my crazy head and my ♥ Love, Hugs and Kisses ...

Adieus!!!

A Diamond Heart!!!

Can one hate oneself?

I guess sometimes we can.

I believed I had a heart of stone, still does but guess the stone is not hard enough!

I want it to be hard so that it would be impossible to get through me.

I would be protected!

I would not care of things happening to me and around me.

Why is it difficult?

Why must it get softened and not hardened along the way?

Why can't I have a heart of a diamond (they say it is the hardest)?

I would like to have "a diamond" heart"!

So how can I achieve one?

Maybe I can start by hating myself(coz if you can hate yourself then how can you love others?)

So dear K I am turning myself into a diamond, a diamond heart, a heart that is stronger than a stone!

"A Diamond Heart"

  Signed ...

A Diamond Heart (of mine)!

Alone But Not Lonely!

I may be alone but I am not lonely!
NB, LL, TS, BA,CD,JLo,MC, JS etc are there for me as always.
They fill my blue days with smiles.
They make my ♥ happy!
They are and will be my constant companions!
They let me forget my sadness and make me sing with happiness!
I just love them for being there for me though not physically!
So I say I am alone but I am not and can never be lonely!

The Change!!!

So often I am left to believe that things happen on its own accord yet at times I feel that I should have known some things that happen in ones life can be controlled and is in our hands. Looking back I feel maybe I left things to happen and take its own shape rather than make it happen according to my whims and fancies.!

If I had done that I feel my life now would have been different, definitely (not that I don't like the life I have now) but I wish to have a little difference!!!

The thought, did I atleast try, gnaws at me and I feel maybe I believed in ''let things happen on its own' too strongly!

 Maybe maybe I did try and change the course of things happening in my life and since I falied to change the 'happening things' I stuck to leaving it on its own! Whatever the reasons now I just feel I should have tried harder, a little harder.

The path I followed led me here (and it is good enough) and I wonder what lies in my path ahead (but this time I am just not going to sit back and watch 'things happening' like a good spectator but stand up and be a part to make paths I should tread on and make things happen according to my wishes!). 

This is The Change I seek!

Luv K

Past Is Past?Live Today? And Tomorow Is Not Yet Born?

Past (even yesterday) is history,it is, but why does one's past keep returning (after certain intervals)? Why can't it remain where it was left? Why does it follow you some secs, mins, hours, days, weeks, months, years later?

It is said that Past is best left in the past. I believe in the same too but at times past returns with a force that the sheer force of it knocks you down. You have washed your hands of it, you want to forget it, you don't want anything to do with it yet it won't leave you!

To live happily in the present("a gift") one should forget one's past ("history"), not wonder of one's tomorrow ("mystery") but no matter we can't help thinking of our tomorrow(s) and our history(s).

So I guess our past, present and future are all interlinked and as much as we try to break the link we can't(the link is much stronger)!.

So relive the 'Past', mix it together 'Today' and take it forward to a new 'Tomorrow!'???

N.B: The work of my "ever thinking" mind!( :-) )

WHY M I LIKE THIS? (or for that matter why is my life different?)

Did you ever come across situations where your heart says it shouldn't be a problem (makes you happy) but your brain gives you 1001 reasons that it's wrong and problems are gonna accompany?

Did you experience situations where everything falls into perfect place (you feel nothing has felt so right until now)?

Did things happen according to you, your wants and your wishes?( in the initial days?). If so why must things turn opposite as days go by?

If things are not meant to be they say it will never be (I quite agree too) but why does it feel so so right and why does things fall into right places then?

Why must one get hurt and keep feeling the pain (if you know the hurt feeling is not permanent)?

Why can't situations remain the same? Why can't the same right feelings prevail throughout? (I so hate these whys)

Why must one's life change in the blink of an eye (does it change in such a short while)?

Why am I unable to change things, my thoughts, my wants, my wishes?

Why am I always at the crossroads of life? (I take the most likely (good) path and in the end why does this very good path prove wrong?

Why can't I take the right path? (Don't I have powers over myself; my thoughts, wishes?)

If and only if I had not taken that path (the supposed right path)

Why can't I decide and decide well? (I know I have to include family's decisions too)

Yet again my page is filled up with the Whys and Ifs of my life. Life would have been much simpler, easier and happier if the Whys and Ifs doesn't exist in this world!

Sigh! My life is different ( Is it from you all?)

♥ K

Don't Want To But Have To!

Because it is not in my hands. It is entirely in the hands of my fate and maybe yours too! What we wish, expect and  hope for never comes accordingly! In-fact it is quite the contrary. I know I am giving up, not because I want to but I have to!

Though pains initially I only hope (here i go again..hope...oh the very word!) for a better outcome in future due to this decision of mine. I know I am making quite an issue out of such a simple thing (is it simple by the way?). But I can't help it. Why can't I?(sigh :-()

If fate is responsible now for this decision of mine isn't fate responsible for paving my way to have this kinda decision now? Now when I don't want to but have to! Why couldn't fate intervene then? The initial days? Why did it make it seem so right? I know I am asking questions which have no answers but I believe I have the right to ask (though fruitless).

Why does things always happen according to its own free will?. Why can't we have powers over the decisions we make. Why does it get changed along the way? The things which we wish to happen in our life doesn't happen and the things which we don't wish to and have never thought of happens!

Such is the irony of life!

So keeping a stone in my heart, I have to tell you that I have to!. I just wish you know I don't want to but I have to!

Fate: Can We Change It?

I have encountered situations where things seemed to happen of their own free will, and I attribute this to predestined fate.

We may want to change the course of our fate, but no matter what we try or how we try, we seem bound to follow the path already laid out for us, don’t we?

They say fate and destiny are what we make of them, but if that’s true, why do we have regrets if we are the ones shaping our own fate and destiny? So the question remains: can we really change our fate?

Although I’d like to delve deeper into this topic, I have to rush for now. I’ll continue next time :)

I remember your love

You were my true love

You loved me truly

I am sorry I couldn’t read your love

You showed me in 1000 ways you truly did love me

But why was I blind?

Why couldn’t I see your true love?

Why did I torment you?

Why didn’t I know your love for me was the most genuine of its kind, the true ‘honest’ kind?

When I was down you made me laugh, have smiles

When I wanted to have an ice-cream you would bring me ice-creams of all flavors

When I was angry, you would be the clown and make me laugh till my stomach hurt

When I ordered you, you obliged

When I was drunk ‘senseless’ you would carry me on your back

When hungry you made me my favorite dish

Why couldn’t I then feel your true love?

I took for granted your love

I was obsessed, immersed and so full of myself that I couldn’t understand your true love

I took advantage of your love, your true love

I scolded you, demeaned you but you held on to me

Why? Because you loved me truly, madly n deeply

What kind was I made of, why couldn’t I realize your love?

What invisible factors blinded me?

You with your fair skin and ah! those looks girls dug in

You dug me and I was a stupid fool, the biggest fool ever to have taken advantage of your love

When I cried, you cried along, you were not ashamed of your tears because it came from your heart, because you couldn’t stand my tears and because you loved me

But I was a girl of the most stupidest nature, I couldn’t see your love, just couldn’t

(Oh! God why did you make me so thick skinned, why couldn’t you let me see his immense ‘true’ love?)

I betrayed you badly, I know sorry will not be enough but I AM SORRY, truly am!

I am sorry I hurt you; I hurt you bad, real bad

But it was not intentional, I did not intend things, it just happened, my stupidity you could say.

I know am to be blamed for and I know God will punish me in every possible way to have hurt you

And I will accept the punishment, I deserve it

I can’t have you back in my life because I am ashamed, I treated you badly

And most importantly I am not worthy a girl for you!

You deserve a girl above me, way above, a girl with all the qualities you wish for

Tears accompany my life now and there is no one to wipe my tears

I deserve it for having made you cry all those days

I am really sorry, please accept my apology and forgive me!

I wish for good things to accompany your life, may your life be filled with much love, luck and happiness

May God be with you and bless you

You will always remain in my heart, I will always remember you

You are the bestest thing that ever happened in my life

You will always occupy a special place in my heart, you were the one!

I will miss you so much

You just take care of yourself; my prayers are always with you

May God be with you!

Love always

Writing is not a piece of cake or is it for some?

So many a times I held back ….

Now, I think it is time for me to be up, writing and posting

Amongst the many thousands here

Pen down My Thoughts and not keep it inside

Been reading articles and enjoying thoroughly

Now, guess I will have to post something the readers will find interesting

Would something on love pique the readers’ attention as always?

Because love (fiction and non-fiction) is fascinating and is happening around the world,

In love we share the same language or something on politics would be of interest?

Would a poem (universal) do wonders?

Well, well here I go again beating around the bush

Delaying!

Must gather all my wits and post something now

Because writing is not easy, reading is!

Oh! I love reading and love writing!

But I fear the latter

The fear is holding me back.

But now I feel I need to overcome it

And give a try

What say dear writers and readers?

(Author’s note: Had written it a long time back and I still can’t post much articles, sigh)

This makes me say:

Least did she expect that love can hit her once again, enter her life once again.

But this time his love for her made her fall for him. His constant care, support, love made her open her otherwise closed heart.

She now believes that time indeed is a true healer.

She doesn’t even remember as to why she had been so hurt before and why she had let her heart in the closed state for long.

But she knows it is all due to his love. He just loved her no matter and now she is yet again experiencing love all over!

She was really sure that her heart would remain closed forever but now she has a different story to tell, a new song to sing, twinkle in her eyes and an open heart!

Her in-box is always to the brim with his messages, sweet loving messages.

Now she understood all her friends’ words, the words they had written and spoken to her then, that time is the true healer.

She really never thought time would heal her hurt heart and she turned deaf ears to their advices!

But now since the day he came into her life she can’t believe it happened to her again and that her friends were right all the while.

It was indeed just a matter of time.

His love made her forget her past and she is living her married life, new life, full of love, filled with his and her love.

And looking at her this way makes me say “love can happen anywhere anytime anyplace” it is just a matter of time and time indeed is a true healer!

(Author’s note: Seeing and feeling love; looking at people in love)

What am I doing?

Listening to songs I guess (else why do I have my earphones plugged in and Love Story by Taylor Swift on?)

But My Thoughts are not completely in it. I stare at my phone (wishing for it to ring?)

Naah, not in the mood to talk either! Then what is it? Love Story ended. I played it again!

What am I doing? My mind is not in the work at hand either. This vast heaviness is settling in my heart.

What is it? Why this feeling? Today, I don’t think I did any productive work.

Could this be the reason for this feeling I am feeling now?

Umm I don’t think this is quite the reason. As I look around the calendar on my table catch my eyes.

It is Wednesday the 19th of May (God, how fast?). With this comes the realization that days are rushing by (in fact zooming)

My eyes wander and settle on the various stacked files. Can they prove I have done my job well? Hm-mm

Now I am listening to ‘Better in Time’ by Leona Lewis and I wish I had a voice like her (I love singing!)

As I am typing this, my friend barges in and I have to stop typing for a while and talk with her.

My friend leaves me to my work. I open the windows and look out. The sky is clear now!

The breeze is much cooler too because of the rain earlier this morning (I just love the rain!)

I just love watching ‘the drops’ hitting the parched earth and the smell of the earth after it (ahhh!)

The smell, the clean surroundings, the happy grins on the faces of the farmers are the after effects of the rain.

So my love for the rain is immense! Talking about the rain is making me nostalgic now!:)

I used to run out the moment I saw the heaven above crying and feel the drops on my skin.

I would feel so cleansed and stamping my feet in the tiny puddles it had created would make me squeal with laughter.

Sigh! I wish to be that little me again. The blink on the screen brings me back to my present state of “don’t know what I am doing”

The time now is 4.58 pm, should I stay a little longer (for what?) or head home (to?)

The past two days “the wandering cat” who was at my doorstep kept me company.

The furry thing is mighty cute and mighty stubborn! :-) (Don’t know till when it will stay with me!)

The time now is 5:35 pm, and I hope the cat is there waiting for me!

So with that thought I think I might as well head home to my companion (the furry one)

5:44 pm now, I really got to leave, so today my “What am I doing?” status has indeed made me say “What have I done”? (hehehe)

(Author: “my jumbled up (nonsense) thoughts”)

Nothing Is Going My Way!

It is always the same, same old same. Every thought, wish, dream I have are all in vain. Nothing materializes.

They say if you concentrate, really do, than nothing can stop us from achieving our set goals, dreams, wishes, thoughts but sadly this doesn't happen in my case.

I seem to fail almost every time. Nothing is working out, not quite near also.

Bah! I really am sad, don't know what to do. Why can't I have it all fulfilled, if not all at least some?.

Why the contrary always? Why am I always made the target? Why can't I be the one to hit the target (the bull's eye?).

Why do I always have choices which can't be mine because the moment I take the choices and try to make it mine, it no longer exists!

And at times even if I do get a chance to make the choices mine why am I always wrong (almost always?).

Why can't I envision clear cut paths, the path that will say that I have made the best choice (Atta girl!)?

I look at them and I see everything happening their way but why not with me (God are u listening?)

Am I that unlucky? Am I being tested? Are gods above testing my endurance, my enduring capability (till I grow gray?)

Whoa, again I am at the crossroads of my life and I don't know which road to take. They say take the road 'less taken', but I don't seem to know which road is the 'less taken'. (Confused me?).

Or should I just go with the flow? Because no matter what choices I make they always receives the backhand, the lower hand and is not on the winning side (Sob!)

And as always I have to say "Nothing Is Going My Way" (:( Sigh!)

GOODBYE MY LOVE, THE FINAL GOOD BYE!

I always kept my HOPE alive thinking one day

One fine day, you are going to come to me

With all your love, pure from the (your) heart

And make me happy like the first time you did

With your eyes full of love for me and your eyes only for me

I was happy then, my face was always radiant, I was all smiles :)

My world was colorful; I thought finally "you are the one for me"

You with all your weirdness I accepted, trusting my heart instead of my head

My head gave me 1000 facts that you are not someone to be given my heart too

But my heart remained at that juncture, the day you showed me all your love

My heart never budged though my head said I should, my heart stood there with your love

I trusted my heart, as simple as that, but how come my heart failed to see you, the real you?

You with all your promises made me feel so loved, indeed it did, but your love was short-lived

I didn't realize you were all fake/ made-up (but I looked in your eyes and saw genuine love)

I was wrong, my heart was wrong! (still wondering how could I have been wrong?)

I waited so many days and nights for you to come

But even after so many such days and nights you failed to come and embrace me with your love

The days were dull and the nights my pillow were soaked with tears

My heart is an empty chamber now, should you try to see you can see right through

Though it still pains and tears come out of my eyes (why am I still hurting and still crying?)

I am crying now too (as I am writing this) but one day, one FINE DAY

All my pains and all my tears are going to STOP, it will!

That much trust and faith I have in me (myself and I!)

It is no more "you and me", it is me with only "Mythoughts" now!

I trusted you and now it is time for me to trust myself, I am a strong gal and I am!

I wish you much happiness and success in your life and may love surround you!

And with much love, hugs and kisses for the very last time, I bade thee GOODBYE MY LOVE!

GOOD BYE FINALLY!

Somewhere, Someone Special (SS) is there for us?

Do you all agree? Well most of you would have nodded yes to this question of mine, right? (or you all didn't?)

I nodded yes (I did) as I asked this question to myself. I believe (with much certainty) too, though by now (uh huh am not that old) I should have come across that Special Someone (SS) meant for me. But that SS seems to be playing hide and seek game with me or is it not the case?

I wonder most of the time these days about my SS (how would he be and look like?). Or am I never going to have that SS in my life? I shudder to think but yet again till now I have lived without that SS in my life and been happy. Would I be happier with that SS or without one?

Well, well I am again left with more questions. I have been reading books (the happy ending ones), still reads whenever I catch hold of one. In such books no matter what, the end is always happy so my heart exudes happy enzymes which make my eyes twinkle and my face radiate with happiness. Here I vehemently believe someone out there is meant for me with all the qualities I would like him to have and vice-versa.

I would want someone with a good persona (must admit here that good looks and a good height are also welcome, *smiles).

Someone I would keep in my heart, till it's very last beat (beep beep beep).

Someone I would be proud to walk around and raise my own little, sweet and happy family with! (Sigh).

Someone who would color my world and make me have the strength of Hercules (by being there for me always) so that every daunting task life has to throw at me would seem puny and a piece of cake! (Ha, ha)

Together we would grow old with grace, dignity and much love (Yes!).

So I wait for the day for that Special Someone to step in my life (Wink, wink, wink!).

Yes I believe in Special Someone for each and every one of us! (All is well).

And with that note, are you coming? (Galloping on a white horse my Special Someone?).

IF ONLY!

Time indeed is not in our hands. If only we could time everything; the time for our births, the time for our happiness's, the time for our sadness's, the time for our togetherness's, the time for loneliness's, the time for our successes, the time for failures, the time for our deaths than life would have been indeed easy and predictable. But it is neither easy nor predictable, so time (this very moment) is of the essence.

Time is always ticking, in fact it never stops but we always feel "time is there for us", "we still have time" and so on, so we put off things which we should do today, we can do today (now) for later and tomorrow. So the reason for regrets, heartaches, pains for not being able to do the things which we wished, wanted and loved to do, the words we so wanted, wished and loved to say that 'moment of time', the moment that was there with us but which we kept for later and tomorrow and have lost it.

If only we can see our life in front of us, crystal clear than we would know what to do, what not to do, what to say and what not to say but such is not the case. We never know what is going to happen next, what is going to happen round the corner but even if we do see and know what lies ahead of us we cannot change the life (the inevitable), the fate that has been shaped out for us, we can only do it in a better way like in the movie IF ONLY!

Paul Nicholls who plays Ian in the movie is the male lead and Jennifer Love Hewitt who plays Samantha is the female lead. In this movie we can clearly see that even if we have a premonition, a vision and a real life-like dream like he does in the movie, we cannot avoid bad things from happening to us, we can only try and make little changes.

The instance he wakes up from his dream he makes it a point to tell her how much he loves her and had loved her since the day he met her (he makes best use of the moment in hand).

Ofcourse he tries to change the course of his dream by doing things differently (she dies in his dream), but things happen like in his dream (the only difference is that it is Ian in place of Samantha who dies in the end).

He could say he loved her only because of what he saw in his dream (had he not dreamt, he would have gone without telling her how much he loved her).

He learns that "if one lives for the moment, than one is living one's life fully", so it doesn't matter whether one has 5 minutes or 50 years in hand. And the next instance, the cab they are in meets an accident. He dies. Though heart breaking for her, he had lived his moment fully with her, the moment he had in hand.

Someone had rightly said, live the moment, do things now, say it now and then you would have lived a satisfied and a complete life, so even if something happens we would have NO REGRETS.

So for now let us; live our life 'in the moment', 'laugh a little more', 'say things out loud', 'be happy' and 'ENJOY THE MOMENT', the moment that is in our hands, the moment which is never going to come back to us if we let go of it.

THE MOMENT IN HAND IS SO VERY PRECIOUS, LET US MAKE BEST USE OF IT!

(Author's note: Much inspired by the movie "IF ONLY"! and also thank you for making me watch)

This girl - II

Still holding on to her dreams and wishes to be with him happily ever after, she had made up her mind to accept him the way he was (with all the weirdness).She tsked tsked the nagging feelings that something is seriously wrong with him. She waited for he told her to and this went on for many such nights(all her wait was in vain).

She wondered where this once 'fun loving gal' disappear to? She is a strong girl but LOVE weakened her or so it seemed. She is in the weakened state, been in this state for long now.

Guess life is bringing her series of unhappiness, bad lucks all cuddled together because just in her weakened state she hear things, UNTRUE things about her character, people are soiling her image yet again she is left with questions like "why are people worried with how I live my life?", "why can't I live my life the way I want?", "why do I have to follow their lifestyles?", "why can't opposite sex be friends"?, "why always the negative thoughts"?. Her life is again filled with such "whys"?.

BUT now she is saying "no more! everything has limits" ( time she moved on right?)and now she is moving on with her life (she doesn't need a man's love for that nor negative people's support).Though her beliefs in the 'happily ever afters' have gone away for now, she is positive her smiles, her chirpy nature is going to accompany her once again and fill her life with happiness(with the ones who loves her unconditionally).

She wants people to see her, take her as she is and not judge her because she never judges them.

She once talked of changing her extrovert nature and said she is going to live her life based on those people's terms (she is fed up with them pointing fingers at her lively character)but luckily her positive, optimistic side ruled over her pessimistic side and she said "what the *!#k?...who are they? and then I thought " THIS GIRL IS STRONG AND SHE WILL LIVE HER LIFE WITH HER OWN TERMS AND CONDITIONS!" and I just had tears in my eyes (of happiness)and I said ATTA GIRL..that is the way to go, All The BEST!.

(*Author's note: I know 'This girl' will once again have broad smiles, twinkling eyes, lively nature, songs on her lips, dances, happily-eva-afters back in her life and she will have someone who will just love her for who she is*)

This girl -I

This girl is still confused with the ways of life. She has so many whys?,so many of her questions are still left unanswered. She wonders as to whether all the questions have answers.

Yes! She knows some questions don't have answers…but she never asked questions that did not have answers, never asks such questions, all she needed was an answer to her simple questions and that also she did not get(how hurt was she, only she knew!).

She has so many things inside her that at times she feels all her pent up feelings,thoughts,wishes,dreams would explode any moment and that the explosion would be so massive that she is afraid the blown up pieces would be strewn everywhere and try as much as she may to find the strewn pieces she would not find them(her heart is thudding so much with such thoughts).

She is a simple, fun loving, frank, dance lover, song lover, heart full of love kinda girl,she believes in 'happily ever afters',she has watched so many such stories in movies (still watches),she had read so many such things in books (still reads).

She believes in 'love at first sights'but people often mistook her frankness, her fun loving character with disdain, question marks, and raised eyebrows and she is often left with tears, tears and more tears,tears are her constant companion. She sheds silent tears every night unbeknown to everyone who knows her for she is a master in masquerading her tears,she always presents her bubbly side to others,a different facade.

The one she loved also let her shed so many such tears often times she looked at herself in the mirror…and saw a glazed blank pale image(as if an evil, invisible force has snatched away all her smiles, her happiness , her bubbly nature).

She had often asked him questions too, simple straightforward ones and all she got from him was "some questions don't have answers" and here she thought her questions were simple, indeed it was simple!!!

"Don't you love me"? she would say and his answer as always would be "I do"(well then you all must be thinking what is wrong with her?)…well…love for him is "not call her", "not meet her", "not pick up her calls", "always keep his cell unreachable", she asks the above questions only in the mails she sends him because it is only in the mails he replies and that also the chances of his reply are once in a million, but though once her face spreads into this biG BiG...smile (as his mail would show he misses her...loves her and wants her to wait...so on and forth) but after that …she is yet again left with questions.

If he so loves her, what is holding him back? Why can't he call her once? Why can't he spare a minute of his time (60 secs?)...Is he a married guy?....if so why can't he be forthright? (why is he keeping her in darkness?). She had indeed asked him such questions a million times but each time she was left with her own set of questions, rivulets of tears would just then flow from her eyes and leave a trail mark on her face, her face would show such agony that should you see her then you would have tears in your eyes and cried your heart out too!

In him she believed the' love at first sight' phrase, she took in him her prince charming because the moment she laid her eyes on him she wished and included him in her dreams, thoughts, smiles… and she gave her heart. She didn't give her heart easily(and no her heart was not meant for every Tom, Dick and Harry),he had assured the same thing to her then(alas!for him it was just words, she realized it a little too late but we know it is never too late to start things all over again right?)



(Author's note: in the sequel, we see her tears subsiding)

Her Story-I

She believed in FATE, still does.

Her fate brought her close to him or so she thought.

She doesn't know how and why but the instant she laid her eyes on the pictures of him on one of the networking sites, she wished for him to call her, she just knew his name and the name got printed in her heart. She had no hope of course because she was a stranger to him and vice-versa. No clue as such. So she had just wishes and wish she did to the almighty GOD.

An unknown number calling, she picks up. An unknown male voice on the other end says 'hi there,

she responds saying wrong number and cuts off the call. A ring again from the same number, this time she is angry, hellow? (her tone is harsh), the voice immediately says are u such and such….working in XYZ? 

Her tone changes as she gives an affirmative note to his questions. This time she asks who is on the other line?...he says I m such and such working in XYZ, and her heart gives a sudden flip, a sudden cry of joy hearing the name (her heart pace increases), she is not sure she heard it right, come again says she…and this time with the same answer she pinches herself to see whether or not she is dreaming! (Aww...she feels the pinch).

She is shocked beyond words and meanings …how is it possible...did God really hear her this time? Is he the same person she wished for? Finding out he really is the same person she wished for, her faith in the almighty GOD deepens, her believe in the FATE thing deepens too! 

For a moment, no words come out; she thinks she has lost her voice. Only when he says… you there? She replies…yes and feels she squeaked.

Then after, her joy knew no bounds. They used to call each other constantly. But one gnawing question, where did he get my number?...was eating her up , she had been meaning to ask him but every time she forgot.

So during one such call, she asks him and he says it is a secret and that he will reveal it sometime later, she agrees. After many such calls they decide to meet and in person he looked more of everything in her eyes. She felt intimidated by his height and happy too, GOD he was tall!

After reading all those romantic (M&B) novels, she had wished for a tall, dark and handsome guy and there he filled her wish…coz he was definitely tall, dark and handsome!

Once he had even rolled a Nu.50 note and made it in a shape of a ring and slipped it on her ring finger, saying soon I am going to replace it with a real one, her happiness knew no limits.

She had a bounce in her steps, a smile on her lips and a sparkle in her eyes!

But her happiness was short –lived.

Once she made a visit to his Office upon his insistence. He was so lovey-dovey and she felt content with the love he had for her. She had forgotten to check her mails that morning and she asks his permission to use his PC for a while, he agrees to that and says while you are checking your mails I will get us steaming cuppa tea. She blows him a kiss as he walks out of his Office.

Maybe god wanted her to see it (but why?). He had forgotten to log out and there a picture, a girl's picture and a mail from the same girl? She reads the mail, at the top it is written acho, (whew! she relaxes and smiles) but as she reads, tears start forming in her eyes, one blink and it silently rolls down her cheeks. 

How could he was all she thought as she gazed transfixed on the blurred screen.